Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i'm inner monologue high
one might say we're banned from that church
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
