Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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