How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
