Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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