your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
