can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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