im holly from the hills drunk
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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