I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
