So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
