she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize