I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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