she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
