Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
