she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize