If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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