that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize