His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
