I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
