The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
