I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
