i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
