So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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