the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
