how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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