It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
