And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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