Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
