My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
