Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize