idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
