i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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