did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Randomize