You smell like a Billy Joel song
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
