well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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