She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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