I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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