I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
