just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
