NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
