one two three fourrrrnication!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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