Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
