I haven't been this sober since birth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
