id be glad to
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
