I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
