i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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