she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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