So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
