bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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