Do vagina's smell?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
