He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
