she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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