I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
