His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
