Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
