my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
