I cockslap morals
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
