someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
