We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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