I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
