apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize