i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize