Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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